Desiring my Boyfriend's Body

Desiring my boyfriend's body

I had a boyfriend once, who believed in decomposition. He told me this as we swerved in his truck, careening the back roads of Lajas, Puerto Rico, finishing the work of some come-before travelers, flattening each roadkill carcass into unrecognizability. "Less for the highway crew," he’d say.

egrets, known as

the Great White Heron

gather at the maw

of the stream feeding

into the lake

too many to count. I thought they were solitary birds. But there they were eating the ticks of the pasturing cows. My boyfriend wouldn’t have sex with me. He didn’t believe in latex, artificial hormones, the calendar or his own control. I can’t, he said, risk bringing a life into this world I’m not prepared to care for. And I’d plead, cajole, argue for his skin and my skin, sheathed in multiple prophylactics, only succeeding occasionally.

at certain times,

lake flies clot the air, thrumming,

their mouthless bodies

my body hungers, vibrates

with no discernible control

I have a friend who careens between dark places; imagines his beloved, alternately living secret lives and love sessions with the girl of his dreams, placid, perfect, and untouched. He sets snares along the creek bed when they are in season. To harvest turtles.

you’ll need a tub

to trap that blood

an oil-slick

the meat is tender, when caught

between clades

On the river road drive to work, two cars ahead, the driver hits a squirrel, and the wind catches its body, swirling the stunned creature like a little kite. By the time we approached it the animal had regained its consciousness and was dashing to the side of the road,

dragging

the weight of itself

front paws

extended, body taut

it survives

The body wants what it wants and what I wanted was his body.